


Lost

by James_Carstairs



Series: Lost - Book 1 [1]
Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Fluff, Struggle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26014078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/James_Carstairs/pseuds/James_Carstairs
Summary: Ichigo has been living a life that doesn't feel his own, but there's only so much one can take before they snap.
Series: Lost - Book 1 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888144





	1. Nothing Wrong With Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters in this story always have a music that gives them title and also set the tone for what happens.  
> The song for this chapter is Nothing Wrong With Me by Unlike Pluto.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi2VlhVsfcE

He woke up that morning, he had finally made his decision and had everything ready, the only thing that was still missing was telling his family the news.

He got ready and went to the kitchen, the moment he entered he was greeted by the smell of eggs and rice that were going to be his breakfast.

"Morning everyone" he said to his family as he moved to sit on his chair to have breakfast with everyone.

"Morning brother" his brother greeted him while his dad just shifted his gaze from the newspaper to look at him only to go back to read in a second.

"Morning Ichigo" his stepmother greeted him as well, he had nothing against the woman but at the same time he felt weird about her presence because he still didn't accept his mother leaving.

He just sat at the table as the breakfast was set down, he ate with his family and after he finished, he cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"I'm going to move to New York by the end of the week I already have everything planned out and even bought the plane ticket" he stopped to look at his family's reaction and all he saw was horror and anger in their eyes, he became almost fearful for a second but then he got back his courage "I meant to tell this earlier but I didn't find the right time and I didn't want anyone stopping me from going" he finished.

His father folded the newspaper, left it on the table, got up, grabbed the boys arm and went into the living room "What is the meaning of this?" the older man shot the answer at Ichigo with an angry and spiteful tone "What do you mean?" the boy replied not fully getting what his father meant. "You out of nowhere decide to leave home and go to God knows where, you have a lot of institutes here in Japan, in Asia and you decide to go to America, why? You dislike being with your family that much you actually have to change continents?... What's wrong with you?".

The boy stood there speechless as his dad left him alone on the living room not even waiting for his reply.

He had just told his family that he was going to leave to spend a year in the New York institute, he was just finishing preparing his things to leave tomorrow through a portal from the Tokyo institute after he finished a knock was heard at the door.

"Who is it?" he asked afraid even that would be his father again.

"Ichigo can we talk?"

His brother of course, he hadn't talked with him since he told everyone the news, he couldn't all he could hear and think was "what's wrong with you" those words were the only ones that were still stuck in his mind, what if his dad was right? Maybe there is indeed something wrong with him, his thoughts were however stopped by another knock on the door.

"Ichigo can I enter? Can we talk?"

"Hmm go ahead" he said not moving from his place

The boy entered the room and stood in front of him "What was this today? You're really going to leave us?"

"Yes, I'm going, I'm going tomorrow even"

"Why?" the boy let out those words in a mix of confusion and anger.

"Cause I can't be here anymore, I can't do this anymore, I can’t pretend everyday that I'm fine, I can’t be around everyone pretending that we are the perfect family, I can’t, I tried but I already hate myself for it, I have to get out" he said while looking into the nothingness in his room.

"Do you hate your life with us that much?" was all the boy could ask.

"I hate my life, I hate myself, I'm starting to just wanting to give up on my life in general so I need to get out, I need a change because if I continue here… I don't want to continue at all, please try to understand"

"why? My mom has done her best to always do the best for you, I try to go along with you because we are brothers and father, he is strict on you, but he loves you"

"Just let me go please… I can’t be here anymore" he said in a pleading tone.

"No, I get how you feel but why leave everything and everyone that cares about you?"

"Cause all this is exactly what's killing me…."

"What's wrong with you? We care about you, we are your family, how can you say that?"

His brother's words were like a slap to him, he couldn't take it anymore so he grabbed his bag and left his room, left his house, he had no idea where he was going to go, his trip to new York was only tomorrow, he could go to the institute but he didn't feel like having everyone look at him and ask him what was wrong so he just walked. He didn't have anywhere to go, but anywhere would be fine by him.


	2. Beautiful Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has the boy tries to get away from everything he ends up finding someone he never thought he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters in this story always have a music that gives them title and also set the tone for what happens.   
> this chapter has the song Beautiful Scars by Maximillian.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glTTzMeM2Xo

He was already walking for a few hours when he found a little grocery store, he got in looking for some food to buy but he didn't actually feel like eating anything so he just took a bottle of sake, after paying for it he went to the park. He hadn't gone there in more than ten years; he had been doing a good work in ignoring that place but today he couldn't care less about it. He found a little glade, sat down by the tree, took out the bottle and started drinking, he knew that this place was especially dangerous at night because of the high demon activity but he wanted and needed to be there so he just stayed and drank till he wasn't thinking in anything anymore.

"it’s so peaceful, this is exactly what I needed"

"What are you doing here?"

The voice startled him, he thought he was alone, but the thing that scared him was the fact that the voice was painfully familiar, he turned around only to see exactly why the voice seemed so familiar, it was his mother.

"How?" he said terrified of what he was seeing "How can you be here? You… No, it can't be you…"

"I'm sorry I left you alone for so long my beautiful boy, it was never my intention" she said has she moved towards him.

He started moving back stumbling "Is that really you?" he said has tears started flooding in.

"It's me, I swear" she said not moving afraid that she'd be scaring him.

"How can it be you?"

"I don't quite know"

"You are dead… you died right in front of me… you died because of me"

"No, don't say that, it was not your fault, you did all you could, and I would have done what I did again..."

"You still died… I should have done more… if I'm still here it's because I didn't try enough"

"You were 5 years old back then… you weren't even having that much training already, don't blame yourself"

"It's not fair… if only they got here a bit faster if only, I could have done more you'd still be here… and things wouldn't be like they are now… I miss you so much… it's not fair"

She moved towards him and cupped his face to make him look at her "There was nothing more you could have done so please don't blame yourself" she kissed him in the forehead while tears started streaming down his face.

"So why are you here? Did you come here because I'm being particularly reckless?"

"Well I don't quite know but about that… why are you doing all this?"

"Well you are presently looking at the disgrace of our family…" he said with a quite bitter tone.

"Why would that be?"

"Cause apparently me wanting to have a fresh start is not morally acceptable… Anyways… It doesn't really matter… I left the house and I'm going to leave this place tomorrow… I just needed to come here one last time…"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to study in New York… I'm tired of this place… of this life…"

She moved one step back feeling as if she had been punched in the stomach.

Seeing that he turned around and grabbed his things, he turned to his mother again and kissed her in the face "Well I'm going to go then…"

She grabbed his arm "Wait… can't you stay with your mom a little longer… I don't know if I'll ever see you again and I've missed you a lot"

He stopped walking, he needlessly thought it over since he already knew the answer, he was going to give "Of course I'll stay… I'm only going to go in a few hours…"

She let go of his arm and sat in a bench that was nearby patting the spot next to her for him to sit.

Ichigo seated next to his mother and stayed talking about everything that had happened to him in the past thirteen years.


	3. Dizzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just has he was forgetting what it was like to feel suffocated every single day, his father made sure he wouldn't forget but this time he wasn't alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is Dizzy by MISSIO.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyU5sbXd7SQ

He had been feeling a tad bit depress ever since he talked with his father on the phone, it had been two months since he moved to New York and he decided to call home for the first time but all he got was depressed as he relived all he went through the day he left his house, his father kept pointing out every single miss achievements he had in the past couple of months, after hanging up the phone he threw the phone at his bed and mindlessly went to the rooftop of the institute to just not think and forget every thought that was rushing inside his mind.

He sat down in the ledge looking at nothing at all, he was so tired, he thought that if he actually got this distance that things would change maybe for the better but nothing really changed at all, no matter how much he actually tried, nothing would ever change cause his dad was only going to be different when he became everything he wanted, but that was not what Ichigo wanted, he wanted to have a life of his own and be his own person, he wanted to live and do things for himself.

He was lost in his thoughts when suddenly a sweet voice brought him back to reality, "What is it that you are overthinking?"

"Not much" he managed to make a fake smile that he hoped to God she wouldn't realize was fake.

She sat down by his side and talked softly "I know I've only known you for about two months however I already know you quite well…"

"Fair enough" he uttered as he looked down.

"So, you wanna tell me what happened?" she looked at him expectantly.

He sighed and started telling her what happened with his father and how he thought that when he left Tokyo that maybe that would have changed.

She looked at him hearing everything that had been bothering him lately "I understand how you feel, but you can't let all that take you down all the time. He is not gonna change, your father, you just have to find a way around that, do things for yourself and don't let their words get to you."

"Thank you Clary."

"For what?"

"Hearing me out and helping me."

"No problem." She flashed him a reassuring smile and for a while he actually forgot that he had been sad and depressed not too long ago and smiled back at her, but this time it was a real smile.

She looked at him and found herself noticing that he had a nice and warm smile, she would've never guessed that when she first saw him. When he arrived at the institute he was quite reserved and seemed really cold towards everyone, but after some time he started being more friendly and playful with everyone and she realized that the thought she first had about him wasn't quite right regardless she was glad to have met him cause it turned out they somewhat clicked together and became close friends faster then she could imagine.

"So, I was thinking, how about we go out to eat?" he asked a bit shyly.

"I'd love to"

He got up and reached out his hand to help the girl get up, she took his help and got up.

"Let's go then" he said as he let go of her hand leaving his warm hand feeling cold and as if something was missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features for the first time in the story one of it's main characters, Clary Fairchild.  
> This character belongs to Cassandra Clare.


	4. In My Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is In My Room by Moonbyul.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YZJvS55iRQ

It had been one week since he and clary went out to eat, they had just returned at the institute after spending the whole entire night solely hunting demons, he was covered in blood and sweat and quite a few new scars that already started vanishing because of the iratze he had drawn a few minutes ago, still feeling the stamina rune and the excessive adrenaline running through his veins.

"I'm gonna get a shower if you need me call me" he said to clary has he moved to put back the weapons in their rightful place in the armory.

"Thanks Ichigo" she said as she smiled back at the boy and took off the jacket from the combat suit.

"No problem" he said as he left the armory to go to the bathroom to wash up.

He got inside the shower and started bathing, once he finished he dried his upper body, wrapped the towel lazily around his waist and moved to the vanity, he swiped his hand through the mirror to clear up the fog and reveal the boy with is wet and messy hair. He ran his hands through his already a tad long and curly black hair and sighed, he usually liked to keep is hair short cause he believed that having his hair too big would make it fall to his eyes and he didn't want to have those kinds of distractions when he is fighting, but nowadays he had been so distracted at the institute that cutting his hair was left on hold, after a few minutes lost in his own thoughts he brushed his hair, looked himself in the mirror one last time and went towards his bed where he already had left the clothes he would soon be dressing. He dressed his black linen shorts and was about to dress his shirt when a sudden knock on the door made him stop.

"Who is it?" he asked having his tone laced with curiosity for who would be knocking on his door at 1 am.

"It's me"  
He recognized that voice anywhere, he opened the door showing the red head behind it. As soon as the door opened the girl's eyes went to the boys eyes but then as her sight started moving down a warm feeling rushed in as a blush creeped in, she hastily covered her eyes "Uh y..you are…your shirt…" she started stuttering, when the boy realized what she was saying he also started blushing but didn't move to go get his shirt instead he cleared his throat and went on to ask "Did something happen? Are you alright?".

"Hmm… well I was alone in my room and I started overthinking and when I noticed I was already here knocking on the door" she said as she looked down embarrassed.

"It's alright, come in" he opened the door to let the girl enter.

"Thank you" she came in and stood in the middle of the room.

Ichigo started laughing, threw himself to the bed then he sited and pat the free space next to him on the bed for the girl to sit next to him, she gladly went to sit next to him. He looked at her, his eyes scanning every line of her feature looking for a way to start a conversation, but his eyes didn't wanna leave that exact spot, her lips, he had been curious to know what they felt like, he wanted to kiss her badly but he couldn't bring himself to it because he knew the girl still liked someone else and he didn't wanna come in between that so he forced himself to look at somewhere else. Clary noticed his gaze, where it had stopped, she bit her lip, kept herself from blushing again and cleared her throat "I…I miss him you know" she said her voice was near to a whisper but just loud enough for him to hear clearly, he felt almost like he had been slapped by those words, he was expecting it but at the same time he didn't want to hear it. "Ignorance is a bliss indeed" he thought to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> The main Character is an OC made by me.  
> His name is Ichigo Herondale and he is 18 at the beginning of this story.


End file.
